already

Already...

It seems like a million years ago,
the newness,
the adrenaline and dizziness,
the complete lack of sleep.
A Christmas season spinning all around us.
Just trying to survive.

That birdlike newborn with the jutting jawline
has been replaced with a bouncing,
cackling,
beaming baby boy
Who demands eye contact
and loves to cuddle and gnaw,
Who perfectly mimics sounds,
And can't help smiling if someone is smiling at him
even when he's crying.
And sleeps through the night.

Already he is prone to long, impassioned diatribes,
about the joys and injustices of this new world.
His pronunciation may lack a little refinement
but he doesn't let that stop him.

Already...

He has outgrown the grey flannel hat, the one with the ear flaps
and the plaid lining, and the little embroidered wolf on the brim.
The one that I bought in San Diego when I thought we were finished having kids.
I bought it just in case we ever happened to have a baby boy.


Already...

Her uncertainty with him has been replaced with
a weird amalgamation of tenderness and volume
and rapidity of movement.
She sees him as an equal, for better or worse.
Already they are forming their relationship, independent of us,
with its own expressions and dynamics and language...

Already...

I am catching glimpses of the future her,
timid and bold,
sharpishly intelligent,
fiercely independent,
graceful
and fascinating
and hilarious...

Already she is begging for sleepovers
and playdates
and wants to be a rock star.

She says with a dreamy expression,

"Today is my wedding day."

And I think, No, please, not yet, be mine just a little longer...

Already...

My heart is breaking to think that tomorrow they will be different...

And bursting with wonder at the very same thought...